Sherlock Plays Life
by FromMyFingertips
Summary: With Cluedo mysteriously burned to ashes John brings home a new board game to brighten the detectives mood.


John trudged up the stairs carrying a few bags in his hands. Once in the flat he turned his attention to Sherlock who was sitting in his armchair with his hands pressed to his lips deep in thought.

"Don't help me or anything!" John exclaimed throwing the bags onto the table before retreating downstairs to get the remainder of his shopping. He kicked the door shut with his foot seeing as it was the only free extremity he had at the moment. "Have you been like that all day?"

"Like what? When did you get here?"

"I just walked in. I have a surprise for you." A few days ago a mysterious fire started in the bathroom at 221 B Baker Street and had it not been for Sherlock's quick thinking the entire flat would have gone up in flames. Sadly there was one item in particular that had been completely destroyed and nothing John could do would make up for its loss.

"If it isn't a new Cluedo game I don't want it." Sherlock had been particular heartbroken over the demise of his beloved board game.

"Are you still sulking over Cluedo? For God sakes you swept the ashes up and stuck them in a jar which now sits on our mantle. It's time to get over it and move on."

"There is no such thing as moving on from Cluedo."

John listened as Sherlock sniffled and had hoped he had a cold and wasn't doing what he thought he was. "Come on Sherlock you'll like this game." After a few minutes of begging Sherlock finally agreed to at least entertain the idea of a new board game.

"What are we playing?"

John smiled and pulled the board game from behind his back. "The Game of Life."

"Life? Life is boring."

"You haven't played it yet."

"I'm living it."

John rolled his eyes and set the game up on the coffee table. It had always been one of his favorites, but he found it hard to get anyone to play with him. "Now what car would you like?"

Sherlock stared down at the plastic looking vehicles John held in the palm of his hand. "What kind of cars are those?"

"I don't know. Does it matter?"

"Yes. Yes it does. Buying a car is a big decision John not one to be taken lightly."

"It's a plastic car!"

"How much gas does it use?"

"Just…YOU CAN BE BLUE!"

"No I want to be yellow!"

"Then here!" He threw the yellow car at Sherlock hitting him right in the chest. He was wearing his favorite purple shirt, the shirt that sent him into a frenzy, the shirt whose buttons were hanging on for dear life. "I thought you were wearing a different shirt when I left."

Sherlock smiled and played with the bright yellow plastic car. "I was, but you like the purple shirt. I thought I would surprise you."

John blushed. "OK first person to retires wins and gets to be on top."

"Deal. By the way what kind of car is this?"

John groaned. "We've been through this already."

"Is it a Honda?"

"Yes it's a Honda."

"I don't like Honda's."

"Then it's a Volvo."

"Only sparkly vampires drive Volvos."

"IT'S A GODDAMN MERCEDES NOW JUST SHUT UP!"

Sherlock placed his car at the starting line and John handed him a blue peg. "What's this?"

"It's you."

"That's sexist."

"It's just a game." John placed his red car next to Sherlock's and the two men put their blue pegs in their proper places. They spun to see who went first and Sherlock was ecstatic upon finding out he had won the right to move down the path of Life. He chose to go to college and easily made his way to graduation day. The time came for him to pick his career. John held the cards tightly in his hands only to have them ripped away.

"Ugh these are all so dull. I'll be the policeman I guess."

John snatched them back. "You don't just get to pick whatever you want! You have to draw them from the pile without looking at them!"

"What? That doesn't make any sense. I went to college I think I know what I studied and it was criminal justice. Now give me back my job!" John didn't argue and handed Sherlock back the card. He watched as he examined it somewhat confused. "This is incorrect. There's no way Lestrade and his lot make this much money. Do they have a number we can call? I'd like to inquire about the accuracy of this game."

John didn't say anything as he continued to spin finally securing a job as a Doctor much to Sherlock's amusement. He then continued on and landed on the 'Get Married' space. Sherlock watched him grab another blue pawn out of the box which caused him to smile to himself.

"Alright there's me and…" There was a pause as John thought about who he'd like to marry. "Greg."

Sherlock squinted slightly annoyed that John would pick Lestrade over him. "He's not gay."

"Well we can fix that."

"Of course you can."

"Are you jealous?"

"Jealous of Lestrade? Absolutely not. I have nicer hair, better cheekbones, and a bigger…oh wait it's my turn!"

Sherlock spun and caught up to John, but instead of requesting a blue peg to add to his car he stated himself married to his work.

"You can't be married to your work. That's not how it works."

"Fine then I'm married to myself."

"That's not even legal."

"Why not? People marry their dogs."

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! NOW HERE'S YOUR BLUE PEG!"

Sherlock refused it. "I want…pink."

This baffled John for it was apparent to him and everyone else around him that Sherlock was a closeted homosexual. He took the pink piece and placed it in his car. "There I'm married."

"To whom?"

Sherlock knew exactly how to push John's buttons and he didn't hesitate to do so. "Irene Adler."

John pursed his lips together and spun the wheel moving his piece far away from Sherlock. "I'm suing you!"

Sherlock gasped. "YOU CAN'T SUE ME!"

"YES I CAN IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE! SUE PLAYER FOR £100,000!"

"You would really sue your own friend?"

"Oh we're just friends now?" He rolled his neck. "Well Sherlock, pay up or else."

"Or else what?"

John furrowed his eyebrows. "I'll take it by force!"

"I'm not complaining."

"What?"

"Come get it."

"No…no that's not what you're supposed to say! You're supposed to be protective of your assets."

"I am protective of my ASSets."

"Stop making sexual innuendos!"

"You're the one who said you would take it by force. I'm just waiting."

John didn't say another word. The two men played all the way through, but not without a few complaints from Sherlock about how unrealistic it all was. In the end Sherlock won with a grand total of £2,785,000 7 children, which required him to get another plastic vehicle, and a nice retirement to Millionaire Estates. He lay back against the coffee table and stared down at his watch.

"I rather enjoyed that."

"Well good for you." John retorted back still upset by how Sherlock had married Irene Adler.

"Would you really pick Lestrade over me?"

John didn't look at him. "Considering you married Irene, yes, I would pick Greg over you."

"I only picked her to get back at you for burning Cluedo and don't say you didn't."

Truth was John had indeed burned Sherlock's beloved board game out of pure hatred. The game stressed him out more than anything just the sight of it gave him ulcers.

"I guess now I have to make it up to you."

"Of course you do…now get to the bedroom."

"Yes sir. What are you going to do to me?"

Sherlock smiled devilishly. "I'm going to take you by force!"


End file.
